Building a relationship

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them  ~ Benjamin Franklin

 

Seeking counselling takes a lot of courage. To admit that there is a problem not only to yourself, but to another also takes a lot of courage. It is important therefore to create a strong, safe, comfortable environment. Many people are very apprehensive about the first meeting. It is important for the counsellor to set up an office conducive to welcoming and making a client feel relaxed. Breaking the ice, being open, honest and welcoming, building trust, boundary issues such as contracts and terminations should all be given adequate attention to.

 

Setting up the room

If you plan on having your own practice, the counselling area should be quiet and also where the client must feel confident he / she won’t be overheard. The room should have a strong personality of its own. The counsellor should not be seated behind a desk, instead should be seated a few feet away diagonally. Not in direct eye contact, as this can intimidate a person. The clock should be so placed that the counsellor can glance at it, and knows when to end the session. Always end the session in 50 minutes, so that it gives you 10 minutes before the next session to summarize the session just completed. The room lighting and temperature is also important. Flowers and potted plants add to the warmth of the room. A box of tissues should also be strategically placed. Taping sessions if necessary must be done, with the consent of the person being taped.

 

Greeting

A trusting relationship between the client and the counsellor can take different amounts of time with different people. Emotional barriers are far more potent than the physical ones. Even if the surroundings are perfect, the client may still not feel comfortable if the client and counsellor are not in rapport. Addressing the client with their first name and introducing yourself with your first name, goes a long way towards comfort and acceptance, and breaking down barriers of inequality. Sometimes though, they may not be comfortable on a first name basis, so its always good to ask them how they like being addressed. “What prompted you to come see me?”, “Where would you like to begin?”, “What would you like to talk about?” are some gentle questions to get the conversation moving. Body language, non verbal signs are very important. If you are relaxed, you will make the person talking to you feel relaxed.

 

Building trust

Some people who come for counselling have been badly hurt or let down by someone and trust is an issue for them. Trust is hard work and something that has to be earned by a counsellor. However, having developed skills such as active listening, empathy, reflecting feelings, genuineness and demonstrating that one is fully present helps in building a trusting relationship. Constantly analyse your own thoughts as a counsellor. Asking internal frequent questions such as how is the client seeing the situation they are in, what does the situation mean to them, what am I to understand with all the information being given to me by the client. Also, its important to know what to avoid. Sentences like “come, lets have a chat”. Counselling is not a chat. Another sentence to avoid for sure is “I hope I can help you”, you may not be able to help at all. 

 

Establishing boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is an important move towards building a positive alliance. Boundaries such as an agreement regarding the duration of counselling, length of sessions, limits of confidentiality, number and duration of phone calls, emails etc. Clear contracting enhances and shows respect for the client’s autonomy. A contract also ensures a professional nature of the relationship. Termination should also be planned. It can be stressful and should be approached with sensitivity. During evaluation, the counsellor should point out the positive steps taken by the client to empower themselves and the positive coping techniques agreed upon to tackle the future.

 

The counsellor will find challenging times and has to be geared mentally to deal with it all. There are times the client may play mind games with the counsellor. Such times will require the counsellor to confront and challenge the client so as to ascertain accurate, honest and concise information. The counsellor does not have the ability to change the client as such but can only give support to help them change themselves. The whole process emphasises on the client thinking for themselves and about actively resolving problems with the guidance and help of a counsellor. Decisions and goals are actively and consciously made. If there is something you can add on to this, please leave a comment below.