Dealing with Stress

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one  ~ Hans Selye

 

Every activity sets us up for stress. We are not to blame for stress. It happens to all of us, despite our best efforts to avoid it. There are situations beyond our control that cause stress in our lives like a sudden illness or death of a loved one, a personal assault, a terrorist attack, a tsunami or earthquake etc. People who experience such events have difficulty sleeping, feel detached, have nightmares. Some even suffer from an extreme level of stress called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is often accompanied by depression, substance abuse, memory problems, and other physical and mental health problems. The disorder can affect people's day-to-day life, including their ability to function socially.

 

There are some simple ways to help us all deal with stress. These are long term strategies if we take the trouble to make these small changes for our own benefit.

1. Identify the stressor

Don’t ignore or sugar coat your problems. It is extremely important to identify the stressor. Ask yourself questions. Why is it bothering you if you at feel it shouldn’t be. Start focusing on the small things and eventually you will also be able to handle the larger things by rationalizing every step of the way. Taking the time to identify the serious stressors in your life will help you come up with a strategy for managing them.

2. Change what you can

If you can’t change what’s bothering you, change what you can. That is change your response and attitude towards it and channel your frustration another way. The one thing we certainly can succeed at changing is ourselves. People find comfort in patterns even when sometimes the patterns are stressful. It is very important to identify the patterns which we follow and understand the pattern which creates stress. Sometimes the stressors are things in life that there is no way of changing, for eg. stressful relatives. These are the times we really need to focus on changing our attitudes.

3. Reduce the intensity of your reactions

Sometimes we need to put things in perspective. Do we really need to be at such a short leash? Are we over reacting and giving the situation more importance than needed? Give yourself a break. Give yourself a little space by walking out of the room, counting to 20 instead of 10, going for a short walk. Always remember, no one is perfect, not even you. Step back and consider the situation properly asking yourself if all the energy you are giving it is really necessary?

4. Re examine your attitudes and obligations

Sometimes we try to hard to do everything to make everything perfect for those we love. We try to give more than our best to please everyone. Because of this constant pressure to please people, they automatically start having expectations from us. When we examine our priorities in life, mostly we leave ourselves out. If we will not make ourselves a priority then why will anyone else. Are we too busy over working and sacrificing time with our loved ones? Are we really that delusional that we think this is worth it? Working non stop at office or home when we are really so deprived of sleep? Ask yourself what you would expect from other people, and expect the same from yourself. Learn to forgive yourself and others when, on occasion, you can't meet those standards - it's called being human. And learn to accept help. Ask your family, friends, or partners for assistance. Instead of straining your relationships, you may find this helps. By handing over responsibilities to others (and letting them handle them their way, not 'your' way), you're building trust and making them feel an important part of the process.

5. Organise yourself

Time management is one of the most effective tools for success in life. Learn to say no when required. Spread your work over the time you have well, don’t spread yourself thin. Consider the times during the day when you are most productive and do your most important work and the work that requires maximum concentration those times. If you are a morning person, finish your important tasks in that time of the day.

6. Developing and using emotional support

When we are in need of emotional support, turn to your close circuit of friends and take their support to get through a rough patch in life. If a friend came to you, would you turn your back on them? Join a group or organization where people will share your interests. Get out there, even if it's just a trip to the grocery store, gym or library; you never know who you may bump into. Seek assistance from professionals (health care, counsellors, religious advisors) who are experienced and comfortable in giving support. Most of all, be your own best friend: accept any flaws or the occasional failure; make the most of your abilities and successes.

7. Offload it all

Let it all out. Laugh, scream, shout, cry or punch a pillow. Sometimes, this is the best thing to do. Society often judges people who can't control their emotions or behaviour, and letting go around friends and family can sometimes result in hurt feelings. But occasionally unleashing your full fury on the dresser you always bump into in the middle of the night or having a good cry on the shoulder of a loved one could leave you more relaxed and relieved than any amount of time management, deep breathing, or rational discussion.

 

All the tips above are exactly that, tips. DO what makes you most comfortable. Find your own bliss. Go paint, drive around aimlessly, watch children playing in the park, do yoga, listen to music. Sometimes all we need is a little push in the right direction. This is what the post is about. A little push. We are all under some form of stress of the other. Free yourself from the thoughts that bind you. learn to slow down and breathe. The way we deal with things in life will make us who we are, strong and resilient human beings which we are meant to be. Please feel free to add in further tips if you do wish to.